Sensitivity Training
It’s fair to say that I have not always been the most humorous person. Growing up, I was teased quite a bit for being a bit too studious, wearing glasses, and knowing all the answers. As time went on, I got contact lenses, stopped raising my hand in class, stopped trying to be too friendly, and exited the traditional school environment as quickly as I could. Living in some interesting environments at the time, I straddled a strange line between being very young and professionally accomplished, and simultaneously needing (for a multitude of reasons) to stay close to peers engaging in behaviors that were anything but “professional”. When attempting to go to college the first two times, and integrate into these new social environments, I found myself in a position similar to high school: unable to relate to my scholarly peers on any kind of level beyond having classes together, and eventually leaving, feeling as though I didn’t belong, or didn’t deserve to be there.
Fast forward to today, after years of working to dramatically change my circumstances. Attempting to integrate is often clumsy, and this awkwardness I feel is most noticeable in my attempts at humor. Serious, deadpan, and dry, what was once seen as witty in prior social circles now often either goes unnoticed or is seen as intensely critical rather than funny. Observant to an extreme degree, cutting or sarcastic comments about things no one else may notice about a stranger once were praised and met with laughter, but now are met with comments like, “that’s a little mean.” In getting to know this new social group, I am learning how to adopt to more accepted forms of humor, rather than defensive humor. Things that my new peers find very funny and relatable leave me feeling a bit like I’ve been living under a rock for several years, but I’m slowly growing to appreciate this slightly friendlier and sweeter form of humor, shared in Zoom chats and Slack channels.
